I think I'm about four weeks past this being the cool online thing to do, but here we go:
1. If I could go on any reality show competition, I would go on Survivor. But I think that I would be the most successful on The Apprentice. Or So You Think You Can Dance?.
2. If I could go on any game show, I used to say Double Dare. But now that I’m on the wrong side of 30, the thought of scaling up chocolate syrup slides in order to fish my hand up a giant paper mache’ nostril in search of a hidden flag, all under 30 seconds, has lost most of its luster. So I would now go with The Price Is Right. But I’d probably get stuck playing one of the lame games like “Pick The Last Two Numbers In The Price Of The Car!” and not one of the good ones like Plinko or the one where you make the mountain climber fall off the cliff.
3. I have a tendency to blurt out “That’s What She Said!” at inappropriate (yet extremely opportune) times. It will one day get me either beat up or fired.
4. Although I’ve said it 3 years in a row, THIS is the year that I will finally get a dog. And name him Jack Bauer.
5. I only want to eat Chick-Fil-A on Sundays.
6. My Myers-Briggs Personality Profile is INTJ, which is less than 1% of the U.S. population but describes me perfectly.
7. It takes me a while to adapt to technology. I had the same cell phone from 1999 to 2006 (R.I.P. Old Blue Cell Phone), did not make the cassette player to iPod upgrade until late 2005 and just signed up for XM Radio three months ago. Still going strong? My 14” TV/VCR Combo high school graduation gift that I still use to record television shows. DVR What?
8. I was almost named Chip. And then Ralph. Thankfully cooler heads eventually prevailed.
9. I can recite Goonies, A Christmas Story and Clue: The Movie word-for-word.
10. Spending all four of my formative college years at the same apartment complex will always and forever be my very own Melrose Place.
11. My favorite song is Modern English’s “I Melt With You;” my favorite music video is a-Ha’s “Take On Me.”
12. I have an (ir)rational fear that a zombie outbreak could actually happen.
13. The top three signs that helped me to realize that I am now an official adult were that I (a) found myself actually driving with hands in the “10 & 2 Position” on the steering wheel, (b) learned that I had become too old to apply to be on The Real World and (c) began to no longer recognize the musical guests on Saturday Night Live.
14. It takes me until at least mid-March to put the correct year when writing checks.
15. If I had any musical talent whatsoever, I would form a cover band named The Three Minute Warning that only played punk/ska versions of popular songs, each in three minutes or less. But instead, I consider it a good night just to make it past the Easy Level on Rock Band.
16. One summer, while working for the family car dealership, they sold my very own car while I was off running errands in town.
17. Batman has his Joker, Seinfeld has his Newman and I have the Pelham/Alabaster home-school community.
18. Looking back on college, being involved in way too many campus activities taught me a lot more about working in the real world than the actual four years of school.
19. My best ideas usually come while running on a treadmill or after 2 and ½ adult beverages.
20. I cook a lot. I had to learn how early in college after realizing that all Hamburger Helpers taste exactly the same after eating them three weeks in a row.
21. Although I watch entirely way too much television that should possibly be considered healthy for any one individual, I have never watched an entire episode of Everybody Loves Raymond or any of the CSI and Law & Orders.
22. I think iTunes should have a feature where you can give your downloaded songs back for a 25-cent credit; I’ve purchased way too many songs that are now in a What The Hell Was I Thinking? folder on my computer.
23. I would have had at least a .2 or .3 higher GPA in college if James Bond Week on TBS had not coincided with Finals Week every December for three years. Moonraker will always win out over Molecular Biology.
24. When listening to music, I have the habit of physically interpreting the lyrics with my hands as if I'm performing a primitive kabuki pantomime before an imaginary audience of deaf people.
25. I did not vote in the 2004 Presidential Election just to see if there was any truth behind P Diddy and mTV's "Vote Or Die!" Campaign. There was not.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Don't Let Wachovia Walk All Ovah Yah
It's not me, Wachovia. It's you. We're done. As the great philosopher Popeye once said, "That's all I can stanz, an' I can't stanz no more."
If we're being completely honest, I haven't been happy ever since you replaced my beloved SouthTrust. However, I was too lazy to go through the hassle of bailing on this relationship.
Our troubles began a few months ago when I re-ordered checks. After a week and a half, they still hadn't arrived in my mailbox. Calling to check on the status, I was told that they had, in fact, been delivered to my address. My college address. My address eight years ago. My address four addresses ago. You did not really seem to share my concern that you had just mailed an entire box of blank checks with my name on them to God only knows who, now living in that apartment. As a result, I had to cancel my account and start a new one from scratch.
Then, you backed out of your initial promise of FREE overdraft protection of transferring money from my savings account to my checking account on the very frequent, errrrr.....very rare occasion that I ran my checking account dry. You now charge $35 a pop.
And now we come to today. While balancing my checkbook, I noticed I had misplaced a couple debit card receipts. No big deal. I would just call your 1-800-automated system and get my correct balance. And that's where my misadventures began.
First of all, you answered in Spanish, not English. I know I live in Hoover, but still.
The, you don't want me to punch in my account number into the telephone; instead, you prompt me to say it out loud. Even though I am alone in my house, I feel like an absolute idiot. Upon saying my account number aloud to no one in particular and getting logged in, our conversation went something like this:
Me: Checking Account
You: Would You Like To Check On An Existing Account?
Me: Yes, Current Account
You: Would You Like The Current Interest Rates?
Me: No, Recent Checking Account Transactions, Please (I actually said please. To a computer!)
You: Would You Like To Transfer Accounts?
Me: $%@#$^#%^#
Wachovia, you are the telephone equivalent of a Choose Your Own Adventure Book. One where there's no possible happy ending. You then made me do the International Sign of Really Pissed Off and press "0" over and over again in hopes of reaching an actual human being. Instead, I got a gentle guitar melody with a voiceover:
"Thank you for calling Wachovia, ranked #1 six years running in overall customer satisfaction. Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line and a customer service representative will be with you shortly "
That made me feel somewhat better. Until you repeated yourself 23 times over 15 minutes. I think you really should switch things up to something like this:
Voiceover #5: Still with us? FANTASTIC! A customer service rep will be with you soon.
Voiceover #11: Customer Service Rep #389 just went to the bathroom. As soon as he gets back, you're next!
Voiceover #17: Okay look, here's the deal. That Voted #1 In Customer Satisfaction is Complete Bull. You know we suck. And we know we suck. Let's just agree on that and go from there. Goodbye.
And so that's it, Wachovia, we're done. I'm not sure where I'm going next. I would say your arch enemy Regions, but I've yet to figure our what green bicycles have to do with banking.
If we're being completely honest, I haven't been happy ever since you replaced my beloved SouthTrust. However, I was too lazy to go through the hassle of bailing on this relationship.
Our troubles began a few months ago when I re-ordered checks. After a week and a half, they still hadn't arrived in my mailbox. Calling to check on the status, I was told that they had, in fact, been delivered to my address. My college address. My address eight years ago. My address four addresses ago. You did not really seem to share my concern that you had just mailed an entire box of blank checks with my name on them to God only knows who, now living in that apartment. As a result, I had to cancel my account and start a new one from scratch.
Then, you backed out of your initial promise of FREE overdraft protection of transferring money from my savings account to my checking account on the very frequent, errrrr.....very rare occasion that I ran my checking account dry. You now charge $35 a pop.
And now we come to today. While balancing my checkbook, I noticed I had misplaced a couple debit card receipts. No big deal. I would just call your 1-800-automated system and get my correct balance. And that's where my misadventures began.
First of all, you answered in Spanish, not English. I know I live in Hoover, but still.
The, you don't want me to punch in my account number into the telephone; instead, you prompt me to say it out loud. Even though I am alone in my house, I feel like an absolute idiot. Upon saying my account number aloud to no one in particular and getting logged in, our conversation went something like this:
Me: Checking Account
You: Would You Like To Check On An Existing Account?
Me: Yes, Current Account
You: Would You Like The Current Interest Rates?
Me: No, Recent Checking Account Transactions, Please (I actually said please. To a computer!)
You: Would You Like To Transfer Accounts?
Me: $%@#$^#%^#
Wachovia, you are the telephone equivalent of a Choose Your Own Adventure Book. One where there's no possible happy ending. You then made me do the International Sign of Really Pissed Off and press "0" over and over again in hopes of reaching an actual human being. Instead, I got a gentle guitar melody with a voiceover:
"Thank you for calling Wachovia, ranked #1 six years running in overall customer satisfaction. Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line and a customer service representative will be with you shortly "
That made me feel somewhat better. Until you repeated yourself 23 times over 15 minutes. I think you really should switch things up to something like this:
Voiceover #5: Still with us? FANTASTIC! A customer service rep will be with you soon.
Voiceover #11: Customer Service Rep #389 just went to the bathroom. As soon as he gets back, you're next!
Voiceover #17: Okay look, here's the deal. That Voted #1 In Customer Satisfaction is Complete Bull. You know we suck. And we know we suck. Let's just agree on that and go from there. Goodbye.
And so that's it, Wachovia, we're done. I'm not sure where I'm going next. I would say your arch enemy Regions, but I've yet to figure our what green bicycles have to do with banking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)