This Blog's Going To The Dogs

I have recently come to the realization that I'm missing something in my life: a dog. Over the last few months, I've thought about it a lot, but talked myself out of it every time. But now that a new year is almost here, I'm feeling that the time is right.

And while I have no clue exactly what type of dog I want, I do know that his name will be Jack Bower and that I'm going to paint CTU on the front of his dog house (24 fans, holla).

In trying to decide what kind of dog I want, I've been searching the Humane Society's webpage. I'm not sure how, but in doing so and clicking on various links on the page, I have also stumbled across web pages of dogs dressed in Halloween costumes. Look how cute these dogs look! You can almost see that "Please euthanize me now" look in their eyes.

Here are my favorites:

If you actually thought high school were some of the best times of your life, it probably means that this cheerleader costume would be right up your alley. It probably also means that we were not friends in high school.

If you don't like your dog, and wish it to be killed by larger, homophobic dogs, this dancer costume should do the trick.

If you want your dog to be completely invisible to cars at night, this Batman costume should do nicely.

If George Lucas hasn't ruined Star Wars enough for you with Episodes 1 - 3, Darth Doggy oughta do it.

If your dog actually prefers being chained up in the backyard, then this leather hat is definitely the way to go.

If your dog is always running away from home or the neighbors just use him for cheap labor, then you can't go wrong with the Mexican ensemble.

If your dog spins around in circles chasing her tail, reminding you of Linda Carter's transformation into Wonder Woman, then you will love this costume. You'll love laughing at your wacky dog, who likes to chase her tail. You'll think: "She looks just like Wonder Woman! That's just so funny! And people really like me." But they don't. Sorry.

Wherever you are, Jack Bower, rest easy knowing that (a) I am on my way and (b) I will never do this to you.