For this one:
And that, while running on the treadmill everyday, when I turned my head I was probably saying goodbye to this:
And hello to this:
But never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that, every time, I would turn my head to see this:
For at my community recreation center, I am the youngest member. By 25 years. At least. Every time I go, I have the feeling that I have inadvertently stumbled onto the set of a 2008 remake of:
But instead of the friendly Wilford Brimley Oatmeal Commercial/Driving Ms. Daisey variety, these senior citizens are mean. And rude. And think they are above the law. Before you think I'm just a jackass, please consider:
1) The Dry Erase Sign-Up Board, a.k.a. The Holy Sacrament Of Any Self-Respecting Gym. For on this board, each piece of workout equipment has been individually numbered and broken into 30 minute time increments. Ideally, you write your initials in a slot, thus claiming both the piece of equipment and when you will be using; thus staking your claim. People plan their entire daily schedules around this unspoken rule. But in Beyond RetirementDome, there are no rules. Dry Erase Sign-Up Boards are merely a suggestion.
2)
Disinfectant wipes to clean off your piece of equipment after you have used it. These wipes are (a) sanitary and (b) completely free. Use them! No one wants to touch treadmill buttons that have been slowly marinated in old people juice.
3) The greatest offense of all. For an entire room of people working out, there are only three televisions to watch. And every time I have been there, all three have been set on:
,
,and
Come on! At least give one up so that I can watch something more exciting like
Thus, today I have vowed Geriatric Jihad on my community recreation center in effort to claim it for us young uns. Aged 30 to 45. So this means war, you:
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